So I promised to do a Self Love post weekly, to inspire other women to do the same. Well….I dropped the ball, then tripped over it, scraped my knee and curled into a heap of sadness. Let’s just say the last few weeks have been hard, really hard. Today though, today will be different, because I went to Starbucks for an Earl Grey Latte and have an appointment with my doctor to discuss treatment for my postpartum depression and anxiety.
Ya, I said it. I’ve been here before. This awful, dark place where everything feels like it’s crumbling, everything is a personal insult to your being, everyday tasks seem impossible. You cry more in a single day than you have in a year. The bitch of it is, you don’t really know why you’re crying. Why you’re screaming. Why you’re throwing tantrums that would put your toddler to shame. You don’t know why you can’t control your thoughts and emotions. None of it makes sense.
I could pinpoint a few things that have been stressful, sure… changing jobs, changing shifts, taking care of two babes three and under, hoping you’re a good wife, running a start up business… Stress happens, change happens, but what do you do when you find yourself at work struggling through a panic attack that has lasted over four hours? You go get help.
I haven’t had thoughts of suicide, but I have wanted to run away. I’ve wanted to abandon my work and never go back, I’ve walked out of my house because I just couldn’t handle my children. I couldn’t. Today I do this for me, I do this for my family… I’m reaching out for help because I can’t tackle this beast without it.
If you’re struggling with overwhelming thoughts of sadness, or anxiety and don’t know what to do, reach out, talk to your family and friends, find help. Do this, for you. Above all else, your life, because without you, where would your children be? Where would your husband or significant other be? Don’t let it swallow you whole, don’t let it eat away at your soul… I’m here for you sister. As I hope you are here for me.
Cheers to Starbucks for this delicious tea, and cheers to my doctor who will hear my cries and lend a helping hand. Cheers to you for taking the time to give yourself some grace, love, and patience.
Peace & Love,